To T, or Not to T. That’s The Frakking Question.

T Last night, I wrote a blog in which I apologized for using the word tranny. I said I'd try my best not to use it in public any more. Well, I did try my best and it made me feel miserable. I cried myself to sleep, and I woke up crying. I woke up feeling weaker than I've felt in a long time. 

I like the word tranny. It makes me feel strong and happy when I do use the word tranny. I like other people who use the word tranny affectionately with one another. I don't want to stop using the word. Of course I don't want to be mean to people who are hurt by the word, but the fact is I have never used the word tranny with the intention of being mean to people. 

I've been on an extremely rigorous tour schedule for the past few months, and I'm exhausted. I made the decision to post last night more out of fear and overwhelm than out of strength of conviction. So, I've reconsidered what I said and why I said it, and I've taken down that post. 

Kiss Kiss,

your everlovin' tranny auntie kate

40 Comments

  1. I’m with you 100% on this!

  2. Whether or not you were or are deliberately being mean doesn’t really enter into this. That might be more clear if I framed it through other examples, like this: Oblivious cis folks reinforce the genital-essentialist binary through language all the time, often without “intending to be mean.” My doctor enforced medical gatekeeping on my transition, but he wasn’t trying to be mean, either. Those behaviors are still inexcusable and transphobic; they still hurt people. In what way is saying “tranny” different? In what way do your intentions excuse you?
    Are you going to engage at all with the complaints expressed in that letter you were responding to? Whether or not you ultimately change any of your behaviors, at least be brave enough to do more than skim the surface of that text. There was a lot more in it than just a remark about the word “tranny.” When I read it over, it seemed to me that it took a lot of guts on the part of Quinnae Moongazer to write such a thing. It’d be a massive shame for such a heartfelt bit of writing to be ignored. And if you believe in your convictions with the strength that you say you do — if you can articulate those convictions — a thoughtful response would only serve to further your argument.

  3. I think this issue just goes to show that humans have complicated emotions and individual experiences that make blanket rules and regulations difficult to apply.
    Is it okay to use the “T” word? Theres no right or wrong answer. Its okay for some people in some situations, and not okay for others. it will always be hurtful and always be empowering. I think the best you can do it use it with the most affectionate intentions, and apologize when it hurts somebody.
    When you dance around like a maniac and hit someone in the face, you didn’t mean to hurt them, but you definitely did.
    Doesn’t mean dancing was wrong, or that you should stop because it might happen again.
    Each situation is unique in that between any two different people grows a unique experience. They wont always be pleasant, and you can’t avoid hurting others all the time because of that.
    I too had some guilt over words recently. In writing an blog post regarding the treatment of an intersexed person, they had expressed that they preferred prounouns “it” and “they.” But as I began writing, I found it hurtful to use those terms and used my much more comfortable “ze” and “zir” instead.
    I grieved all night about whether I’d done the right thing. Ze was never going to see the statement anyway, I was sure, but wondered if I had done a disservice by not using the pronouns ze had wanted.
    Its the hard part about not being able to know ahead of time what people find hurtful and empowering. If we had a label on our heads that said “Feel free to use these words but not these,” we’d be great! But we don’t, so those experiences happen by trial, and we learn that the best we can do is have the best intentions in mind at all times.
    Like you said, “Don’t be mean.” Having good intentions doesn’t mean we can always know ahead of time what words and actions will hurt others.
    I’m touched to be able to experience your moment of self-inspection, K! You may feel tired, but to me you’re looking very strong and smart right now!

  4. Kate, I was trying to be as conciliatory as possible in my recent exchange with you, so I didn’t press this too hard. But since you’re pulling a complete 180 that totally misses the point of everything I said, let me be more blunt.
    Use ‘tranny’ all you want for you and your friends- truth be told, that was never the major issue. I was annoyed from the start that this was the *only* thing you responded to with any substance in my letter. But the most important point was as follows:
    Stop attacking, erasing, and delegitimising binary-identified trans people. Your condescension to trans folk who complained about the word ‘tranny’ and your overgeneralising, context-less use of it was a *symptom* of a much larger problem.
    You have a non-binary identity; therefore you think we all should, and you speak in disparaging, unfair, and hurtful tones about the concerns of trans women and to a lesser extent trans men. *That* was really what I was pleading with you about when I said “stop hurting me, Aunty.”
    *That* was what I wanted to hear from you about and see you consider. You are popular, widely cited, and widely read as an authority on trans issues. You are listened to, as a writer, as a speaker, and as an artist. So, my plea to you was one to stop hurting the community of trans women out there *that are your sisters* in this struggle.
    It isn’t that you use the word ‘tranny’- it’s what you say to justify it, it’s what sort of gender theory you use to say that my feelings and my identity do not matter to you- all the while as you turn about and then claim to speak for us all.
    I am sorry I made you cry. But I think you have to own up to the fact that you have- whether you intended it or not- promoted ideas that are having an effect altogether different from what you may have wanted. I know, Kate, that you never *meant* to hurt anyone. That isn’t the point. Intent doesn’t mean all that much except as an academic consideration. Effects are what I’m looking at.
    I am quite disappointed and hurt that you did not really take the time to consider the totality of what I said, which was about WAY more than the use of the word ‘tranny’. I was looking forward to talking to you, though I get the sense you’ve already written me off as you often do with trans women.
    And really, that was why I wrote to you.

  5. Thank you Kate for the defense of this word and your thoughtful consideration. I know how you take these criticisms to heart. Change is hard and uncomfortable. I am really excited for all my baby trannies running around that will get to google their identity and see that what they are is not simply a fetish or a porn career. I’m also really excited at the prospect of that being used as a tool to dismantle the stigma and shunning of our trans siblings who are sex workers or performers and begin to include them and their needs as legitimate parts of our movement.
    You are beautiful and have helped so many people.
    Thank you.

  6. Quin, yes. Your open letter to me is a complex, important piece of writing. And yes I focused only on the use of the word tranny. I don’t think there’s any online way we’ll come to some point of reconciliation on all of the points you made. But we live so close to each other! So, my interest in dinner with you is stronger than ever. xoxo, me

  7. Ethan (hcomtois)

    I can’t agree with Quinnae’s judgment of your (Kate’s) expectation that we should all identify ourselves outside of the binary. Having read your books and having done most of the activities in My Gender Workbook, I’d say that you have left us pretty open to be the people we want to be and/or think/know ourselves to be. I think that as diverse as the trans community is, there is a lot of room for differences of opinion. A user’s intention = a word’s meaning… almost. So the meaning of “tranny” is entirely subjective and thoughtful people should be able to negotiate its usage. The only potential problem that I can see with the article for OUT was that it seemed to take place in the middle of a long conversation, but without the expectation that the audience had actually taken part in that conversation. References to 2nd wave feminist backlash against mtf (and less overtly ftm) folks was misunderstood (I think) by Quinnae to show your acceptance of that bigotry. I think that I understood your reference, but I don’t have the same expectation for all of OUT’s readers. On the other hand, I don’t want to discredit the audience. Has there been a surge in usage of the word since publication? I’m thinking not…
    This is just my opinion, but you, Kate, have been an essential guide in my journey. Just like any family, we argue, we are flawed… but that’s why we talk. No absolutes will work for us.

  8. Before we get all brilliant with our theories of who we are, does it not make sense to simply observe how many trans people find this word a source of pain? Why would anyone knowingly use a word that makes other people hurt? Does the discussion really need to be cleverer than that?
    The word hurts me.

  9. After reading Quinnae Moongazer’s blog, I think I’ve gotten a better idea about the full context of this discussion. It’s a lot more complex than whether one is allowed to use the “T” word, but rather about some attitudes towards inclusion and reclamation can be incomplete and hurtful.
    I hope everyone reads Moongazer’s letter too, and starts by reading the Op-ed she is responding to. I’m embarrassed to have reacted to Kate’s blog without reading that which she was responding to first.
    I realize that for me to have said “Its a matter of intention” was simple and dismissive, and I apologize for that. I’m glad there are continued discussions going on- they’ve helped me understand why, and why some of the language I use is hurtful, too.
    I hope to read a lot more from both of you to get a broader perspective on the language of sexual identity. Thank you!

  10. Didn’t read the comments (tl;dr), but after reading those blog posts yesterday, I ended up thinking a lot about it.
    The conclusion I came to, is that the word ‘tranny’, just like ‘fag’ or ‘dyke’ or whatever, portrays a certain archetype. Problem is, not all trans people identify with this archetype, so understandably they could feel cut to be called that. I don’t know if that’s what Quinnae was trying to get at, but that’s how I see it.
    As far as my personal identification goes, I’ve been moving away from ‘tranny’ and much more to ‘genderqueer’. I think to simply tell someone that “I’m a tranny” is counter-productive to my not-in-a-box identity because of that same implied archetype issue.

  11. This dialog reminds me of this ‘blog post by Ira Socol, about his similar use of ‘retard:’ http://speedchange.blogspot.com/2008/05/may-day-retard-theory.html
    It’s a dynamic we can’t escape. The main reason I don’t use such words (the ones that apply to me) is because I want to come up with something better for everyone. However, I do enjoy seeing people reclaim the name, so to speak.

  12. Isolated as I currently am in a frozen Swedish landscape reading this post has been an invigorating, educational experience. In my own work as an educator and artist I have had to have a word with myself, upon occasion, to mitigate my own tendency to universalize and over-valorise non-binary ‘queer’ gender experiences, such as my own. It was meeting and getting to know Kate in the early 90s that enabled and empowered me to enact what I call my gender ‘adjustment’. Fifteen years ago because of Kate and a few other factors I found the courage to stop hiding from my intersex-ness. For that I will be forever thankful. I will admit that I have the cushion and privilege of living in a kind of queer bubble, so I seldom have to engage with the ignorant, misinformed masses. In this world the term ‘tranny’ is used only with affection. I’m not sure how it would feel to have that term applied to me by someone who I saw as an outsider…but I can imagine I wouldn’t like it.
    This discussion seems to be about something much deeper than “to T or not to T” and I want to try to engage with what resonates most for me. I can see this easily becoming a battle between binary and non-binary transpeople, between cis and non cis, queer and non queer, and we all must know how unproductive it is to go there!
    Within intersex activism there is a constant tension between those of us for whom being intersex is an identity category we embrace and celebrate and are trying our best to gain societal validity—and those who want to leave it to the doctors to ‘fix’.
    As a spokesperson in Sweden for OII (Organisation Intersex International) I am an abject failure because none of very few groups that exist want to engage with me because I am way too queer. If they acknowledge being intersex at all it is as intersex ‘men’ or ‘women’ never simply intersex. My conundrum is how to respect the rights of people who are ‘technically’ intersex but wish to simply get on with their lives as ordinary men or women, (like the majority of people on the planet) AND forge a space for intersex (and trans) people who cannot or will not conform to the binary imperative. It hurts ME that I am called a DSD (Disorder of Sex Development) rather than intersex, not just by academics and clinicians, but also by others in the intersex spectrum. I am constantly perceived as a man, not an alpha male mind you, (way too short and chubby for that), and after 15 years of trying to carve a space for myself and others like me, I am quite simply sick of it. ‘Normatively’ gendered trans and intersex people seem to be in the majority (for now). There are few places in the world where
    queer trumps hetero-normativity. Kate Bornstein, GENDER OUTLAW, is a resistant voice in a world that insists upon compliance. We need dissenting voices. We need to speak back to our ‘icons’. Let us dry our tears and agree that disagreement is a sign of our strength as a movement.

  13. Kate, Just a quick hi! We used to hang out in SF years ago – I was the boring married gal (still am!) but we had a great time talking books and such when we were both working at an exec. suites. Glad to see you are doing so well in life – you have the talent and deserve it! Kinah

  14. Jenny Boylan,
    Why indeed use a term that is known to be hurtful…..and yet it is precisely those who scream the loudest about the word tranny who insist on the right to label women of history with female bodies and woman’s lives “transgender” knowing that hundreds (probably thousands) of us consider that a massive insult to our womanhood, an othering of it and out and out denial of it. In all this back and forth, why has no one brought this up?

  15. I also love the connection and empowerment that comes from using “tranny,” and it’s beautiful to see this post when I’ve also struggled with word reclamation politics. Go Kate!

  16. Kate,
    I’ve given some thought to the situation. It took me a while to get my words together, but please read them here: http://nodesignation.com/?p=178. It became a little too large for just a comment.

  17. The usage of the word ‘tranny’ is something that I have been thinking about for the last couple of weeks. We had a panel discussion that had for the past two years been titled “Tranny Talk”. Someone had brought up that they found this word offensive, so we changed it to “trans* talk” which angered other people. The word “trans*” itself is seen as offensive erasure by some people, so that only makes the problem more complex. I think that there is really no way that one can act that won’t be offending some one. This isn’t to say we should go around being the biggest jerks we could imagine to people. It’s just that, to not go crazy, you have to be comfortable with the fact that no matter what you do, it is inevitably pissing someone off. No matter what I say, I am always fucking up according to someone. My understanding of gender comes from a decidedly postmodern, non-binary view. Even if that didn’t offend binary-identified trans-etc people, it would offend cisgender people. Of course, there is a difference: the latter is way less oppressed than the former. But the point still stands- there is no way you are not hurting someone. And not to be flippant, but using the word ‘tranny’ hurts people much less than the taxes I pay that go to killing people everywhere, or the money I give to corporations that enslave children. So in terms of unintentionally hurting people, I think we are all (providing we pay taxes and participate in the capitalist system) equal. Sorry if that comes off as cynical.
    However, I would like to say that the idea that binary-identified trans(…) people are erased is not my personal experience. I hear mostly about people who were ‘born in the wrong body’, especially outside of any sort of academic circle. It is essentialism, not constructivism, that is the cultural presupposition.
    This debate is similar in my mind to the idea of GID, and whether trans- identities are rightfully a mental disorder or not.

  18. That isn’t to say we should just not care about whether words offend people. When people alerted me that they were offended by the word ‘tranny’, their emotions were legitimate. I apologized for hurting their feelings, which are legitimate. But that doesn’t mean I have to automatically discount my experiences of that word. One can’t please everyone.

  19. I was so pleased to see the first of these posts; I think what I said was “Kate is not entirely without flaws, but one of the things I like best about her is that she really listens.” This was a dizzyingly fast turn-around. And not really one I expected from you with your catchphrase of “Don’t be mean.” From reading your posts, their messages seem to easily summarized as first “I’ve realized I’m hurting people, and that’s not something I want to do,” and then a day later “Fuck it,* I’ve never meant to hurt anyone, so if anyone *is* hurt by my actions that’s their problem and not mine.” And I’m used to hearing that reasoning from the people who oppress queers — it’s pretty much the same as dismissals like “I was just joking, so you have no right to get upset” — not from the queers fighting by my side.
    I think this is less about whether you ever say the word “tranny” (I support you identifying in whatever ways are authentic for you, and addressing others in the ways that are authentic to them), and more about whether you use it to describe people who wouldn’t use it about themselves (or defend others doing so), whether a word can be reclaimed by anyone other than the people most hurt by it, and how you react when people ask you to stop hurting them. I’m always taken aback when people’s response to “Hey, you’re hurting me, please stop” is not “Oh, I’m sorry, thanks for letting me know so I can make sure not to do it again” but “Well, I have the right to hurt you, you can’t stop me!” or “It’s more important to me to do whatever I feel like than to try not to cause pain.” Again, those are not the people I’m used to having on my side, and it’s not what I expect from you.
    But other people, including Quinnae and Tobi, have already said everything else I could say better than I could. I was just surprised to see a retraction after a post that brought me so much hope.
    *I followed your comment on Out back to this post; that’s where I got the “Fuck it” from.

  20. I feel like it is very easy to look down on people and say ‘how dare you hurt people’. The problem that I see is that life is just more complicated than that. There is rarely any actual situation where one solution is hurting someone and one is not hurting anyone else. If I’m in a group of people and they say ‘I don’t like to be called (insert word)’. I will say “i’m sorry” and not call them that. But to say that you should never use a word for a group of people because someone might find it offensive is a bit impractical; someone will find any identifier offensive or erasing. I’ve seen the word ‘queer’ used here; I’m alright with it, but it’s the exact same thing. People still find that word offensive.
    Some people might find being labelled ‘transsexual’ offensive. Some might find ‘transgender’ or ‘trans*’. These are all imaginable and real scenarios.
    I guess, past being defensive or on the attack (for either side), what is the solution that we are all looking for? Is there something that we can learn from this? Do we perhaps just need to start getting used to listing all the labels? OR does that still erase our individual experience (or race or class or ability)?
    Like you said, It’s not really about a word. So it’s not just as easy as saying ‘stop using that word’. If there is a way that everyone can be happy with a solution, then that would be cool. It’s just hard to see it, for me (and that could easily be a lack of imagination on my part).

  21. Just so I’m completely clear on the subject, when presumably hetero cis guys yell this word out of cars at me while throwing fast food soda cups or beer cans at me, am I supposed to feel ~*connected*~ to a community of sisterhood or am I supposed to feel ~*empowered*~ to accept myself?
    Please answer soon, this is kind of important.

  22. I don’t think anyone is saying that it is okay for people to attack one another in any form. But I have every right to use any word to define myself that I choose. I do think it’s a good practice to avoid defining one another. I also think that we should try our best to not hurt one another, but that includes giving each other the benefit of the doubt. Ideally this would also apply to the one’s hurling the cans and insults… But if we need anger and outrage to get things accomplished (and I think we do) then we should direct it appropriately.

  23. I may be wrong but this all seems to originate with the use of the word tranny in the press for Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation, which as I recall was not specifically directed at transsexual women.
    I mean if anyone thinks that binary identified transsexual women are the only people who get called trannies (and therefore have exclusive right to decide to reclaim or not) then they are mistaken.

  24. There are LOTS of comments, well-reasoned and well-said. Some agree with my POV, some don’t. I have deleted four comments that attacked me personally, called me transphobic, and/or added nothing to the conversation beyond flaming. Just saying. Folks who disagree are welcome. Folks who are nasty are not. xo K

  25. Kate Bornstein has literally written the book (several books) on gender, politics, culture and activism and influenced many writers and artists (including me) to think deeply about sex, gender and to look at the world as a beautiful rainbow of expression and identity.
    I trust Kate. Tranny/Trannie to me comes as a word from a place of love. I’ve heard it used negatively, but I’ve mostly used it by my tranny friends talking about each other. It caught on because it’s a fun word to use and reminds us of comforting things like grannies and bunnies.
    Maybe this is all just a discussion about binary vs spectrums. People who think of gender identity as two states of being and those who think of gender as a fluid, dynamic spectrum.
    Maybe the reason people find the word Tranny insulting is because it reminds them of their trans state of being and doesn’t come with man/woman attached as in “trans man” or “trans woman.” It’s about passing.
    If you worked hard to pass as a man or woman, the word tranny would bug you because it would feminize your masculinity or vice versa.
    Every word needs to be taken on a case by case basis. Thankfully none of us can truly control language, it’s merely a reflection of our times. This conversation is worth having, but is this really a top priority in T liberation?
    We can love each other and celebrate each other and still disagree on things. This is an important conversation to have, because it’s about finding out who we are and what words we want to use to describe ourselves.
    Check out what Monica Helms, the president of the Trangender American Veterans Association said almost two years ago:
    “If the older generation doesn’t wish to reclaim the word, we don’t need to. The younger generation will reclaim it for us, whether we want them to or not. It’s the natural order of things.”
    Read here: http://www.bilerico.com/2009/02/tranny_is_just_a_word.php
    Oh Kate when are you coming on the show to talk about all these hot topics!? We love having you as a guest!

  26. Kate,
    Thanks for being you, being awesome, and writing some amazing things. I’m partial to using the word tranny. But only amongst myself and my wife and my supportive friends, because I do know some of my friends won’t understand. But I see no wrong in reclaiming it.. Just like the word queer.
    Anyways, thanks for existing, and being you, and for impacting my life

  27. Feastoffun – I somehow was able to become a trans activist, radical, gender theorizing trans women without every having read Kate’s works (I have since, and I have some giant issues with them).
    As far as “tranny” goes – what a lovely place you must live where tranny is “comforting” and only used with love and affection. Was it love or was it affection when the guys on Jersey Shore used it? Christian Seriano – making fun of cis women by comparing them to trans women… ever so comforting. Sara Silverman saying “I look like a tranny when I get dressed up” – extolling the virtues of being a trans woman. Unfortunately, we (the vast majority) of trans people don’t live where you do.
    “Maybe the reason people find the word Tranny insulting is because it reminds them of their trans state of being and doesn’t come with man/woman attached as in “trans man” or “trans woman.” It’s about passing. ” – this is particularly troubling. Distilling a variety of trans people’s trouble with Kate telling the cis world that it is perfectly OK and harmless to call anyone a “tranny” to some sort of BS stealth “don’t remind me I’m trans” point of view.
    How’s this, I pass. I’m very openly trans online and off. I’m binary ID’d and this does not make my gender any mor or less radical than someone who ID’s as fluid or GQ or, goddess forbid, trans male.

  28. Well I certainly agree that the word is used negatively. You need only to do a YouTube search to find countless examples. And listening to people laugh and make fun of the “tranny” is hurtful. But I just cannot ascribe the same meaning or social impact when the word is used in the manner we are discussing–reclaimed by community members or allies. Language is a powerful tool that can both be divisive and unifying. His particular word clearly has a history of being both. Kate’s article clearly reflected a positive history with the word, just as a number of others posting here have done. The negative history that others have does not erase the positive any more than it is erased by it. We should acknowledge that in different contexts the word carries a differen weight. And then we should use it (or not) with intention.

  29. Ethan, I think if Kate and others who wish to use the word positively made it absolutely crystal clear to their audience that it’s NOT OK for cis folk to be using that word on us, I doubt anyone that doesn’t like the word would complain. Instead their reclaimed usage of the word (often accompanied with dismissing publicly the concerns of those who don’t like the word) is justification for cis people who want to throw it around as much as they can as a punchline/insult/slur. It’s always, “But this tranny I know calls hirself ‘tranny’ all the time and says it’s OK to say ‘tranny’, tranny. So shut up and deal with it.”

  30. I have reclaimed the word – I understand very well how word reclamation works. I also resent how cis and trans-male spectrum folks to feel the need to explain how language is used and reclaimed, as if trans-feminine people can’t understand such an advanced political concept.
    I also understand that while RE-claiming a word can empower, CLAIMING a word or having a word non-consensually placed on you is oppressive.
    Also Ethan and others, while you are checking out the youtube videos, or looking for other negative uses of the word, notice who it is being used to describe. Are the “trannies” possessing bodies that look like yours, or bodies that look like mine? Whose needs are being minimized and dismissed? Who is set up as a target for scorn, ridicule, and ultimately violence? Before this cis and trans-male rush to “reclaim” a word I think it is important to keep in mind who is going to be the most and most negatively affected by this.

  31. As for specifically using the word tranny, get over it. Just like we use the words dyke, fag, queen, butch, or duh QUEER. Hello? There isnt a word in the english language, especially when it comes to identity that doesnt have its roots in something fucked up and oppressive. I mean jesus. If a Trans person wants to call themself a tranny, then the rest of yall need to get the F over it.
    Quit Passing, Start Trannying.

  32. Echen, formerly Rowan Alexander

    1. I find it hard to believe that Kate would “attack” anyone. 2. As for “tranny” its similar to “fag” or “dyke”. 3. Personally, if I hear “tranny” yelled by some hick while hes driving by, it hurts. But if my other trans friends use the word, its totally different. 4. Look. I completely respect that some people dont like the word. I mean, I personally only want to hear it from other trans people. if a cis person says it i get intensely irritated. Its a reclaimed word. Reclaimed words…the way I feel about it, is that they serve a purpose. You may not like the word, but that doesnt change the fact that the word is filling a needed space. I find it ironic that the word “tranny” is dumped on as this horrible thing, but theres no attempt to replace it with anything. Words are imperfect.

  33. Echen, formerly Rowan Alexander

    Id also like to say,…if you want to ban the word “tranny” from your personal lives and social circles, with the consent of everyone in them, go ahead. If that makes you happy, good for you. But its another issue entirely when you want to police the language of people outside of said social circles. Once again, if you dont like her use of the word tranny dont read this blog, and dont read her books. Stop trying to police her. Shes doing the best she can.

  34. @Echen, honestly, what needed space to you feel is being filled by he word “tranny”?
    @tristan, way to dismiss a huge swath of trans people’s feelings about the unfettered use of a word that is directly linked to their marginalization.
    “Quit Passing, Start Trannying.”
    How about, quit policing other people’s bodies and personal safety mechanisms.

  35. I guess this is where one should chime in that they’re sorry you cried about not being able to use the empowering word “tranny”.
    Sorry, I’m not.
    I’ve spent enough time crying about being *called* a tranny, even by “well-meaning” people who didn’t know better. Mostly cis people. Cis people who repeatedly told me, “This is what some other tranny told me was okay.”
    And in some cases that was YOU, Kate.
    I want to feel sorry that you cried, but I don’t. You’re helping the rest of us cry, in your own small way, and making a slur a word that is easily thrown around.
    I’ve cried too goddamn much about this to feel sad that you cried about not using it.
    I mentioned to someone a few moments ago that I was angry with Kate Bornstein, a cis friend of mine. She said, “I don’t even know who that is.”
    I responded, “I really wish I didn’t either.”
    I meant it.
    It’s great that you’re affirming all the people that aren’t binarily identified.
    Maybe you could find a way to do it without slurs about the rest of us.

  36. Okey dokey, it seems time to wrap up the comments on this blog. I haven’t said or read anything that looks like it’s leading to a resolution. And I’m sure the topic of using the word tranny will continue to surface around the web. So, come Monday December 13th, I’ll be closing out comments here. xo K

  37. “We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.” – Ian Percy

  38. I just don’t understand. If Kate wants to use the word, let her use the word. She has every right. I find the word offensive, but that’s me. And I’m not Kate.
    (and for the record, I still think Kate is awesome and amazing.)
    Good job in closing comments on this. The fact that people are still discussing this, weeks later, is ridiculous.

  39. I’ve deleted a couple of comments that were either nasty or second-guessing me. And some people came down on me for announcing that the comment section for this post is going to be closed. Like I said, nothing more
    Is being added beyond yes it’s good ir no it’s bad. K

  40. Kate, I think Sas above actually has the “resolution”. When folks use a word that hurtful to many folks within a community they share, they should make it clear to those outside the community it isn’t “harmless”, “edgy”, or particularly appropriate for them to throw around.

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