My Dear Hearts in Australia,
I understand that a beloved artist, friend and lover has taken her own life, leaving a gaping hole where once there was life, love, and music. I didn't know DJ Mandy Rollins, but I do know what happens when one of our beloveds leaves us unexpectedly and forever. Please accept my most sincere wishes for comfort, strength, and recovery during this hard, hard time.
I'm an old thing, and I know a great deal about suicide. Please listen to what I have to say: You did not make Mandy want to kill herself, and there was no way you could have stopped her once she made up her mind to leave. Honest. That's how it works: we search in vain within ourselves to find the reason for the death of another. And sometimes, we fabricate reasonable arguments for our causality in the tragedy. We think: if only I had just… and … if only I hadn't… and I should have seen it coming.
My darling, she left because she felt she needed to leave. Please allow her that agency, and take comfort in knowing you were a beloved member of her tribe while she was alive.
Now is the time to mourn and grieve, weep and wail, laugh with tears in our eyes and share magnificent stories of our beloved's lifetime. Go ahead, cry. Your tears will not last forever, I promise. Your grief is not bottomless. You will once again celebrate life as you once celebrated life before Mandy left us all.
Talk with friends, lovers, ex-lovers, and those who made art with her. Give and take comfort and strength as you can. You will once again move through your life without the ache that's piercing your heart right now. I promise.
Most importantly—and this may be difficult indeed—please stay alive yourself. Live to celebrate the world that Mandy loved and celebrated herself—before it got too hard for her to go on. Do whatever it takes to make your life more worth living—every minute of the day. Do anything at all, just don't be mean to anyone. Your grief will pass. You will find more and more reasons to go on living. I promise.
I'm glad—very glad—that you're alive to mourn for Mandy. And I'm sure that wherever she is now, she's glad you're alive too.
Be well, be strong, take comfort.
Love & Respect
Kate
Thank you so much.
beautiful, wise words 🙂
wow! thank you so much kate! my tears are flowing freely now! i had only just met mandy and the couple of interactions we had were lovely and of laughter!
Thank you! I hope EVERYONE finds strength with in your words, their own hearts and minds…peace is one of the hardest things to find, even in our daily lives.just be fair to yourself, we are not super hero’s…hugs and love Sandi
Nobody on this earth could have had quite the effect loosing Mandy has had…Sandi is (god bless her as always,) right…please please please be kind to yourself, don’t blame yourself or others and if you’re lost and feel like you have nobody to lean on…walk up to the closest person and reach out…the’re probably just as lost and frightened as you are…x
absolutely beautiful, wise words…
The outpouring of comments here and on FaceBook is sure testimony to the love Mandy generated during her time on Earth. I’m pleased and proud to have been of service to her memory, to her dearest friends and to our shared tribe. K
She left because she felt she needed to leave. Please allow her that agency, and take comfort in knowing you were a beloved member of her tribe while she was alive.
I didn’t know Mandy, but I have lost someone through suicide and your words bring peace, many years later. Thank you.
I flirt with it still and yet morbid curiosity bids me stay . . . for perhaps a season longer.
The half open door beckons, it whispers – “cross this liminal space too”.
No, not an anguished cry nor a tortured bid for attention but to pass with conviction through the last portal – to rest, to put an end to pain, to want and to loss.
Whose time is it?
It’s not yet mine.
Hi!! Kate!your hole hearted wish to comfort fence of Mandy is truly appreciable.My tears are gushing out,I feel comforted.ThankQ.
.Keep on blogging
Hi! This is a beautiful site. I love its content and its design.I’m sure that wherever Mandy is now, she’s glad you’re alive too.